I won't take.

I guess you don't really need an answer, but if you change your mind the 'no' I offered is still on the table.

Moments

Moments

By Marva Gregorio De Souza

We all have moments in our life when nothing feels in order. They highlight the times of peace, tranquility and almost perfectly happy.

John was devoid of peace and tranquility, almost perfectly happy never knocked at his door. Perhaps never is the wrong adjective in this case, for almost perfectly happy knocked once. John hit it square between the eyes. Nicholas. Nicholas came bearing fruits of a love John refused to face. Refused to acknowledge his distinct sadness. His empty heart. Dusty soul. The social pain of transforming into the butterfly mold destiny fashioned for him caused John to spend his whole life running in reverse, nursing the pain of misplaced purpose whenever it was too keen to be ignored.

We all have moments in our life when everything feels in order. They placate the times of misery, confusion and loneliness.

The End

Wha...?

In June I decided to take a year long sabbatical from writing. In July I started writing a short film. In August I found a publisher for my short stories. Obviously I just like to do the opposite of whatever I say I'm going to do! Still numb and spaced out about the book :D

Opposites

Opposites

By Marva Gregorio De Souza

The evasion of love plagued Anna. It was a one-sided game they played and Anna wanted out.

   

 Of the school friends she kept track of, four were married or in seriously committed relationships. Three of the four would lose in a fight if good looks were the weapon of choice, adding to Anna’s confusion as to the cause of her own affliction of singleness.

      

Proposals came in left, right and center.  Dinner dates. Chats over coffee. Maybe even a movie. But none from the worthy. And they all left Anna feeling deserted in a desert. Anna often wondered to herself, while voicing rather loudly to the female of her friends, and anyone else prepared or unprepared to listen, if there was a prescription for her ailment.

    

There was never a shortage of suggestions. Don’t be so fussy. Catch a millionaire and forget about love. Mr. Soulmate is making his way to you. Patience. Perseverance. Perversion. Anna cried.

      

Craig was tired. Tired of falling in love in spite of his best efforts to remain alone. Love loved Craig.

He left Susan and thought Janet was right. Split from Amanda and joined with Beverly. The process of disentangling himself from Karen resulted in being tangled up with Monica. Every effort to be alone was thwarted. Craig couldn’t catch a break.

       

Dubious and desperate Anna decided to beat love at its own game. This was her last attempt and if it didn’t work, her next internet search would be a list of convents sorted by distance.

Dulled and debilitated Craig decided to beat love at its own game. This was his last attempt and if it didn’t work his next internet search would be a list of wedding planners sorted by price.

      

Anna became unavailable. Signing up for three years of voluntary service involving round the clock observation of the feeding patterns of the crested red back guinea pig only found on a remote section of Peru and facing extinction, meant she would have almost zero human contact for this period. Anna’s game plan strategy was to make things as difficult for love to find her as possible.

    

 Craig became readily available. Instead of running from the crowds he decided to embrace them wholeheartedly on the assumption love wanted to give him whatever it thought he didn’t want.

    

Anna checked in at the airport. Craig was in the airport restaurant joining random women without invitation. A little creepy, but that was his intent.

      

Anna, bags checked and time to kill, went to the airport restaurant to wait for her flight to solitude. Craig, successfully dismissed from yet another group of wary females, pounced on Anna.

     “Where you off to?”

     “Pardon?”

     “Where you off to? You’re travelling aren’t you?”

     “Er… yes.”

     “Well?”

     “Peru.”

     “Perhaps you could consider Paris with me instead.”

     “Pardon?”

     “You heard me. Paris right now, me and you, honeymoon before the wedding.”

     “It’s strange because you don’t actually look like a freak.”

     “But I am.”

     “Obviously. Or perhaps not.”

     “No, I’m definitely a freak. Do you want me to leave?”

     “You’re not a freak.”

     “I am.”

     “No, you’re not.”

     “What makes you so sure?”

     “Two reasons; for one freaks don’t normally know they’re freaks, and you seem extremely confident that you are one and secondly you offered to leave pretty much straight away. You can never get rid of freaks.”

     “Certainly can’t argue with your second point.” Craig gets up to leave.

     “Where are you going? Sit down and entertain me while I’m waiting for my flight to nowhere.”

    

Craig sat down and entertained her for two hours. They shared stories. They shared reasons. They shared predicaments. They shared thoughts. They shared.

Craig made the suggestion. Anna agreed, with nothing to lose she could think of no logical reason to say no. In the gift store they found what they sought, purchased it with legal tender and found a secluded spot in the airport where their vows to each other could not be overheard.

     

 Craig vowed to remain faithful to Anna for the next three years. He would date no one else.

Anna vowed to remain unfaithful to Craig for the next three years. If Anna fell in love she was to release Craig from his vow of faithfulness.

In three years Anna would return and Craig would meet her at the airport and if love had triumphed and Anna was still alone Craig vowed to marry her as payment for his own defeat of love.

Peru was all it was hoped. Her days and parts of her nights were spent; observing through observation holes, eating food prepared on her camp heater, washing in the river, counting the stars, being happy. Occasionally taking out her half of the pair of socks she would chuckle to herself.

A healthy change in Anna’s focus left her in a place of extreme peace. Being married was no longer her primary vision, alternatives were now perfectly acceptable options devoid of shame. On the plane home Anna made her decision to release Craig from his vow to marry her and only hoped he had enjoyed his absent fiancé.

Her suitcase back with her, Anna made her way back to their spot. Nothing had changed, including Craig. His smile was brighter than she recalled. And his eyes perhaps a little more intent, certainly less tired. He carried flowers.

Craig’s heart skipped a beat as he saw Anna approaching. The flowers in his hand trembled slightly. He realized for the umpteenth time the next few minutes would determine the direction of the remainder of his life. He tried to see if there was a ring on her finger but her left hand was hidden by her grip on jacket and luggage. Her smile was as vibrant as he remembered, possibly even more so. As for her walk, the new confidence lit her path ahead and left a luminous snail trail behind her. Craig shifted his feet: a nervous reaction.

Standing directly in front of him Anna giggled. How could a stranger feel like her oldest friend?

     “Craig, I release you from your vow of faithfulness. You’re free to go.”

     “Oh.”

     “Yeah, I had so much time to think out there and get a real perspective on life, finding that ‘someone’ is no longer my ‘be all and end all’.”

     “Really?”

     “Really. So there’s no need to marry me. You’re free to walk away. Did you have fun on your own? Were you faithful?”

     “I was faithful. But somehow still managed to fall in love.”

     “You’re kidding! Who is she?” The vague feelings of jealousy made no earthly sense to Anna.

     “That’s what I’m planning to find out. I met her three years ago and haven’t been able to get her out of my mind. Haven’t wanted to get her out of my mind.”

Craig and Anna faced off. The answers were in the eyes and the odd socks peeping over Craig’s shoes.  Anna put her bags down, took her sock out of her pocket and put it on the opposite foot by pure coincidence. They matched.

The kiss probably wouldn’t go down in the world’s history books of momentous moments but it would be carried by Craig and Anna for their life time.

The End

Hit wonder

Pass the Dutchy, Whats the Madder You?, Turtle Power, - if I did a remix of all three would it be a three hit wonder... or 3x1 hit wonder? I wonder.

Hettie

Hettie

By Marva Gregorio De Souza

The old lady took her time. Slowly making her way along the tightrope of life, engorged with the memories from yesterday and still filled with hopes for tomorrow, and possibly the day after.

It was a strange day and Hettie wondered how it would all pan out, how would she cope with the changes and how could she explain to everyone her decision.

Three o’clock. It was time to go in. The brightness of the waiting room was challenged by the brightness of the doctor’s surgery, a battle that would continue until 6pm when everyone went home and the lights were switched off. Hettie sat down on the chair next to the desk and waited patiently for the doctor to look up from the notes he was making. This was the last thing she needed, more time to gather her thoughts, more time to change her mind but no this was it, she would not turn back now. This she owed to herself.

Hettie at six came to greet her with a sad smile. The same sad smile as Hettie at seven and eight, fifteen, twenty-five and even now at seventy-two. Hettie at six was playing in the sand pit at school with the boys, always with the boys. More comfortable with the boys, they understood her, she understood them. The girls just teased her because she didn’t like dolls and always wore trousers and cut her hair like a boy. The doctor spoke and Hettie at six went away again. “How can I help you Mrs Barker? How are you feeling?”

“I’m very well thank you doctor. The reason I’m here is because I’ve come to a decision regarding a certain matter.”

The doctor waited for her to continue. The pause lengthened so he decided to prompt her. “Yes, Mrs Barker?”

“I want a sex change. Wanted one for years without realising what it was I wanted of course. It just wasn’t conceivable when I was younger. But I’m not happy, never have been. I’ve given and given and given I can’t give any more. It’s time to take something for me. So I want to be the man I’ve always sensed I am inside.”

She stopped. It was the doctor’s turn. Of course he would try to dissuade her, it was his job, it was the norm. But she would remain steadfast, would not be shaken.

“OK, Mrs Barker, I think its time we considered a special home for you.”

 “Surely in your position you must hear about cases like this everyday. I’m not crazy, just different.”

“Don’t you remember coming to see me a month ago and having this conversation?”

“No. I’ve certainly been thinking about it for a long while but this is the first time I’ve plucked up the courage to come and speak to you about it.”

The doctor sighed the sigh of the compassionate. “You came to see me a month ago and said that you wanted a sex change, to become the woman you always sensed you were inside and I suggested you try dressing as a woman for a while to see how you feel about it before any commitments were made.”

“That’s rubbish. Complete and utter nonsense.”

“Feel between your legs.”

“I beg your pardon!”

“Feel between your legs. Go on, right now!”

Hettie looked into the doctor’s eyes and saw the care, the concern, the desperation and she reached reluctantly down to her lap, moving her hand up simultaneously. Henry flinched slightly as his world crumbled around him again.

“So let’s talk about your care now shall we?”

THE END

Behind the Gap

On August, 22nd 2009 I learned about my father passing away in England while I was living in America. Naturally it caused a wrenching in my heart. One of the by-products of my grief was my inability to go on social sites.  It wasn't a memory connection as my dad was not computer friendly. I believe it was purely a reluctance to socialise with anyone outside family. It was several months before I could face facebook. This meant my blog was stranded on the wayside too. Of course this does not excuse the three years it's taken me to start posting here again, just an explanation as to why I stopped. Hope you enjoy my recent musings as I shall now be posting regularly. Do a little dance...